A Healer's Journey

I was born in Texas in 1984 to a mother carrying generations of shame, violence, and sexual trauma. Considering how much pain and anger she was carrying, she did her best to care for me, only faltering when it came to protecting me from the men she chose to be with. I endured severe physical abuse and narcissistic psychological warfare until I was taken into foster care at the age of 14.

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I got my first job at 15 years old at a jewelry store downtown and was assaulted by the store owner within the first week of employment. That same year, I terminated a pregnancy because, with the way my life was going, I thought it was the only option I had. Unconscious of my proclivity to appear as though life was going well, I married my first husband at the age of 18 and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl a year and a half later. At the time, I would have told you I was quite happy. In reality, I was living in an internal world of fracture, dissociation, and dissonance.

 

I worked many jobs, even while pregnant, to support our family. I waitressed. I drove paper routes on the country back roads. I was a Pampered Chef consultant. I cleaned houses. And all of the unmet sexual and childhood trauma made me a perfect vibrational match for falling into sex work. It started with phone sex and led to stripping in clubs in Los Angeles, Hollywood, and Las Vegas. I was exposed to all flavors of distortion and degradation, and it was in this phase of my life that I allowed alcohol to become my closest ally. 

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At the age of 24, I was recruited by a pole fitness studio owner in Orange County, CA to teach women how to pole dance. After divorcing my husband earlier that year, I felt this as the soul-aligned opportunity that it was, made the choice to leave stripping, and moved to Orange County so that I could take the job. I didn't know it at the time, but this was a big piece of my soul mission puzzle. I fell in love with this job. I fell in love with helping women to feel sexy in their own skin and to connect with their feminine energy. But I thought my love for these experiences was dependent on the pole being present, that my life's work was bound to the presence of the pole itself, and that my art did not extend beyond that apparatus.

 

So, I opened my own women's only pole dance studio in 2011, at the age of 26 to continue what I thought was my life's work. That same year, I got married to my second husband and within five years we had two more beautiful daughters. After accomplishing all of this, I really was quite convinced that I was happy. But actually, alcoholism had creeped its way in rather sneakily, I was on medications for depression and anxiety, I was self-mutilating, and I felt absolutely trapped in my body, my throat, my life, and my circumstances. 

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Like so many of us, what was no longer acceptable in my life became painfully obvious in 2020. Divorce number two sent me spiraling in the wrong direction. Killing myself slowly with alcohol, I had become chemically dependent and suicidal when a miracle was delivered. A friend told me she felt absolutely compelled to help me by connecting me with her friend who facilitates mushroom ceremonies. My soul said yes. It was in that ceremony that I was activated by a dragon and my journey of awakening began.

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But it was not pretty. The first several years of my awakening looked, felt, and sounded like an ongoing exorcism, because that's basically what it was. My waking up was long overdue and there was no time to waste. My soul family and guides went right to work, pulling traumas and entities straight out of me while I just experienced it in horror, not knowing what was happening to me. Psychics and healers didn't know what to do with me or how to help me. I would weep and pray for help, but my guides would tell me "Help yourself." So, after a while, I began to see patterns in my experiences. I observed the different voices I was channeling while holding different quantum perspectives, and I learned to recognize subtle energies. I coached myself through soul-retrieval, parts work, contract breaking, and forgiveness work before knowing any of it was real stuff that whole books had been written about already. I reclaimed my sexuality and the expression of my feminine energy that had become performative, and I took complete accountability for my own soul-abusive choices.  I realized that I was remembering how to heal myself and that I came here specifically to have this journey of healing myself, so that I could teach others how to do the same. 

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Now preferring a purer, self-honoring, spiritually balanced expression of the Divine Feminine, I left my pole dance career of 20+ years to devote my life to showing women how to heal their hurts, reclaim their bodies, activate their magic, and embody their sacred feminine energy. No pole needed. I have healed my addictions. I have healed my sexual trauma. I have healed my childhood trauma. I continually examine myself and call forward to transmute all energies not in alignment with creating heaven on earth through my vessel so that I may be a hollow flute for divine harmony. I take radical responsibility for the roles I play that affect the larger planetary and universal stages. I move with a pure heart, grounded authority, and complete energetic sovereignty while doing my part to assist in the ascension of humanity and our beautiful Earth. I work only with the benevolent energies that serve the eternal living God of the original living organic creation, the Giver of Life, Creator of All, the beloved Most High. 

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I pray for Spirit to move through your life, seeding infinite abundance, love, and joy through all layers and levels of your soul's experience. If my journey speaks to you, please do not hesitate to book a discovery call with me so we can discuss your needs and discern if we would make a great team for your journey. My work is potent, grounded, and will always meet you exactly where you are. 

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Love Yourself Fiercely,

Rhiannan Nichole